cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
