Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
