If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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