Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
