I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
