just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
