In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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