I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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