someone threw a dead crab at me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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