dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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