Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
