you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
