Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize