i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
