we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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