I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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