i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
