Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
