Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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