I wish you could order shots online.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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