Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
