It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
