i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
