Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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