My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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