I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize