Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
