I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
