if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
