I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
