there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
