Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
