The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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