I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize