i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
