i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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