Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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