I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
