This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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