he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
