I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
