just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
