I can text with my tongue
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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