My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
