the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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