She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize