I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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