Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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