that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
