My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
