hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
