i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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