Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We talked him into tasing himself.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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