her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
