I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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