I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
