guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
