Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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