Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
