I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize