goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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