he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
