Need sex. Gaining weight.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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