dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
