I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
