Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
