i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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