1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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