I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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