Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He passed out mid-signature
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
