Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize