No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
