i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
