i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
