Just cropdusted the office
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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